I got into a conversation today with someone I met. He's forty-two years old and has been divorced for a year. Already, the red flags were popping up hither and yon, telling me to stay away from this individual. But because the red flags arose, I just couldn't help myself. My morbid curiosity to see what happens next got the better of me yet again. The dialogue continued. He works at a prison. He rides a Harley. He's sarcastic and smart. All good points. The illusion of a dangerous, animalistic man. I liked it. And then I asked the question -- you know, that question, the dangerous question, the question that makes all the difference.
Do you have children?
The answer was yes. "I don't date men with children," I boldly stated.
His response: "Are you shitting me?"
I was immediately on the defensive, having to explain my position. The truth is that I don't like children. I find them to be vile creatures. I appreciate my parents for bearing and raising me, but I don't see the point in procreating. To have my life destroyed? To have the responsibility of raising youngsters? To have to get a sitter every time I want to do something fun? That's worse than having to kennel a dog when I go away. I'd have to learn to cook! I'd have to subside on more than Cocoa Crispies and half-off Valentine's Day chocolate! I'd have to do laundry on a regular basis and make sure there's no lead paint in my home! Surely, having children is not worth giving up my freedom.
I explained all this to my suitor. "You wouldn't have children," he said. "I'd have children." Well, sure. For now. But what if we got deeply involved? A cup of coffee or an evening of drinks could turn into a torrid love affair. We could fall for each other. Months, years, would pass by, and eventually I'd have to be introduced to the kids. "This is Daddy's very special friend." I cringe at the mere thought. After the introductions, time would pass, and I'd end up the stepmother of someone else's spawn.
I explained all this to the gentleman caller. He, of course, was offended by my capricious use of the word "spawn."
The moral of this story? Add another one to my life. I will not sleep with or get romantically involved with men who have children. I don't want children of my own. Why the hell would I want theirs?
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12 comments:
OK. No addicts. No Republicans. No men with children, especially 42. No guys coming out of long relationships, with cats, who live with parents. OK, maybe with cats.
2 things:
Did it occur to you how old a 42 year-old man's children are likely to be? We are talking high school age. Kinda creepy with you still in your twenties and all.
And two, to merry, what is wrong with guys coming out of long relationships, with cats, who live with their parents, huh? Huh? I take personal offense. (While I smile with a broad grin across my face.)
Dude... his kids are 4, 5 and 9.
You're right, you're better off alone with all those kind of restrictions about who you cannot date.
Paul, I don't think that my restrictions are a bad thing. What have we got that I actually take seriously? No Republicans. No addicts. No married men. And no one with children. I have nothing against men with children -- I just don't want children in my life. And I'm sure there's a single guy out there somewhere who's a non-addicted Republican without children.
I just met a 43-year-old man who has four children!! I about threw up in my mouth when I heard. I'm taking it really slow because he's going to have to be pretty great to make up for FOUR children. Did I mention FOUR kids . . . ALLLLLL girls between the ages of 6 and 13!!
Men with kids.. Hahha.. Run, us ladies don't stand a chance against the spawn between him and another woman..LOL! Get out. find someone single. Dating a single dad is like dating a married man. Don't do it! Of course, I am willing to say, there must be some exceptional single dads, who won't put you last.. But, Naww, not very appealing to be last on the list of priorities..
Thank you for reinforcing my own feelings on this matter. If I were miserable on my own and HAD to be in a relationship, I may have to relax the no-kids rule.
But because I have the luxury of already being happy, I don't have to do that.
I have begun dating a man with 4 children. He is 35 and married young. He has been divorced for 9 years, and his children are 14 (twins), 13 and 12. One girl and 3 boys. They live in the midwest, while he lives in the East. The visit for about 3-4 weeks each summer. We have been dating for about 2 months now, and I have requested to meet his children while they are here for the summer. He has stated to me 'he has to think about it.' I have just turned 30 and would like to have a fulfilling relationship and maybe have at least one child one day. He says he is open to having a child with the person he ends up with. I am successful, and in my 20's was very ambitious within my career, as was he. Although he and the children's mother became pregnant while in college, and married. What are you thoughts on this? Does anyone think I am settling? I come from a blended family, and do not see a problem with being a step-mom, but I may be blinded at the thought of love or being married.
All I can say is wow! who would want a woman with such a bad attitude. Single architect dad wiyth 4 daughters
Having 2 children myself, I've run into similar responses from women before. I've moved on from the "Are you shitting me?!" reaction to, "Okay, that's fine. If you have any single friends who are cool with kids, please send them my way."
Preferences are preferences. I don't like cigarette smoke, and smoking is a dealbreaker for me, even if only occasionally. (Cigar smoke is a different beast...).
It's good that you're up front about your preferences. By your late 20s/early 30s, people should know themselves well enough to be able to state preferences clearly. To not do so wastes everyone's time, and can end in bad feelings and damaging relationships.
Having 2 children myself, I've run into similar responses from women before. I've moved on from the "Are you shitting me?!" reaction to, "Okay, that's fine. If you have any single friends who are cool with kids, please send them my way."
Preferences are preferences. I don't like cigarette smoke, and smoking is a dealbreaker for me, even if only occasionally. (Cigar smoke is a different beast...).
It's good that you're up front about your preferences. By your late 20s/early 30s, people should know themselves well enough to be able to state preferences clearly. To not do so wastes everyone's time, and can end in bad feelings and damaging relationships.
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