So my mother called me over the weekend to tell me that Walgreens had been advertising gardem gnomes. However, after visiting four Walgreens retail stores, not one of them was carrying the coveted lawn adornments. And so she gave up. My own mother gave up on the only thing that can ever make me truly happy.
I am not a demanding person. Really, I'm not. But it's already seven hours into my birthday, and I've not received a garden gnome. Damn all of you who purport to be my friends. Damn you all to the Hell I don't believe in.
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