For years, I told people that when I got married, I want a ceramic garden gnome as a wedding gift. I gave this up. Why? Because I don't think I'll be married anywhere in the foreseeable future. Thus, I started telling people that I want a garden gnome for my birthday. Five years have gone by and I still have yet to receive a gnome. You'd think that I'd have an army of gnomes by now. But I have none. Because my friends are douchebags that won't get me gnomes.
My birthday is coming up on January 17.
I'd like a gnome, please.