My friends all seem to be getting married or divorced.
The folks in their late twenties to early thirties are getting married. The folks in their mid to late thirties and early forties are either getting divorced or have been divorced.
The ones in between... Well, the newlyweds are all happy in their townhouses and condos. They're still glowing with recent post-marriage bliss. They're planning on squirting out children. The ones who've been married for a while mostly bitch about how they're not having sex. (It should be noted that my newlywed friends tend to be women, while my friends who have been married for some time tend to be men.)
Based on this, I've become hesitant towards marriage. I've found few people who are married and happy. The general trend seems to be married or happy. One of Chris's professors even told the class that once a couple gets married, it's all over; there's nothing to work towards anymore, and so the romance dies. The marriage is the end result, and children are apparently a reason (maybe the reason?) to stay together.
This seems a sad commentary. Especially for me, who feels neither the need, nor the desire to reproduce.
The lack of sex in during marriage seems to be epidemic. I hear it from everyone. I hear it from the divorcees as well as from the married-for-a-while folks. And so I ask them: How often do you have sex? How little is not enough? The answers always astound me: once a month. Once a month!
I don't understand. I mean, sure, I can see the novelty wearing off. I can see sex becoming routine, or even perfunctory. People have to work at keeping things fun and lively and exciting. That's just the reality of long term relationships. But once a month?? Hell, once a week is too infrequent for me.
As if that weren't bad enough, I am now hearing of people in long term relationships (non-marriages) who have sex infrequently. Friends who have lived with their girlfriends for less than a year are having sex twice a month. I am simply aghast.
I mean, sure, I'm the girl who has stayed in dead-end relationships just because the sex was good and plentiful. But twice a month? After having lived together for six months???
Which made me start thinking about Chris. I adore Chris, but he claims that he never had exceptional sex prior to our relationship. Whether I believe him entirely... well, I've not decided yet. But I don't want him to move in and then get to the point where sex is a chore. I don't want him putting out only once every week-and-a-half and then being resentful that I'm asking for too much. (I know he's a guy, but this has actually happened to me before.)
I just don't get it. I don't understand why people stop having sex. I don't understand how people let it get boring. And I really, really do not want to become one of them.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
Like I tell my Chad--"twice a day, whether you need it or not!" We've lived together for four years.
Miss Conduct:
You are absolutely awesome.
It's more of a thing to aspire to than something that gets accomplished on a daily basis. We do our best. That, and my man is HOT!
Hun, it's going to get boring at some point; there's no way around it.
This is a GOOD thing. I deal with alcoholics and addicts on a daily basis; their lives are constant non-stop no-holds-barred day-time soap melodramas. They can't find their pack of cigarettes and spend 2 hours storming around the floor accusing people of stealing them and describing elaborate plots for how this was accomplished until somebody points out the fact that the smokes are in the individual's shirt pocket.
It's exhausting.
And I've come to realize that what I, and people like me, consider 'boring' is what the vast majority of people consider subtle and nuanced. I'm just so used to beating myself over the head with things that I don't know how to see subtlety and appreciate nuance.
So getting bored and sex being a chore is a good thing, because it gives me the chance to practice finding and developing subtlety and nuance and understatement. It means I'm refining the gross and dross into the fine and filigree.
For the love of Jesus Christ and his Latter Day Saints, stop worrying. Our sex life is too good to get concerned about this stuff.
Especially considering how much we have yet to even consider trying.
You mean like horseplay?
Cause I'm not into that.
(Guy From Work just whinnied. It was creepy.)
Hmmm... Twenty years of marriage and would say we average a little better than every other day. And happy. I am a very very lucky man!
I shall admit I am a newlywed. I shall admit I live in a condo. However, I shall also admit my Foolproof, almost Copyrighted response to the idiot relatives who ask: "So, when do you two plan on having babies?"
My response is as follows:
"Gee, if I had wanted to spend my days babysitting something needy, whiny and willing to sit in its own excrement, I would have kept my old job."
Not grammatically perfect. Also, this is not recommended for exceptionally conservative family members. I personally almost caused an aneurism... Whoopsie. I thought it was Really Funny. Guess I'm more enlightened...
I think this would be more awesome if I knew (remembered?) what your old job was.
You've heard about the fishbowl story right?
Buy a fishbowl on your wedding day. Each time you have sex in the first three years, put a penny in the fishbowl. Each time you have sex after the three-year mark, take out a penny.
On the day of your divorce (or death), the fishbowl will still not be empty.
/not married
//just what I heard
///I can’t ever imagine just doing it once a week
My old job (still the current job for this week) was a strategic management consultant.
Although, here's hoping my new job is still standing next week. The building was evacuated today. YIKES!!! Along with, of course, our home. I hope our home doesn't burn down. That would be horrible...
Post a Comment