My friends all seem to be getting married or divorced.
The folks in their late twenties to early thirties are getting married. The folks in their mid to late thirties and early forties are either getting divorced or have been divorced.
The ones in between... Well, the newlyweds are all happy in their townhouses and condos. They're still glowing with recent post-marriage bliss. They're planning on squirting out children. The ones who've been married for a while mostly bitch about how they're not having sex. (It should be noted that my newlywed friends tend to be women, while my friends who have been married for some time tend to be men.)
Based on this, I've become hesitant towards marriage. I've found few people who are married and happy. The general trend seems to be married or happy. One of Chris's professors even told the class that once a couple gets married, it's all over; there's nothing to work towards anymore, and so the romance dies. The marriage is the end result, and children are apparently a reason (maybe the reason?) to stay together.
This seems a sad commentary. Especially for me, who feels neither the need, nor the desire to reproduce.
The lack of sex in during marriage seems to be epidemic. I hear it from everyone. I hear it from the divorcees as well as from the married-for-a-while folks. And so I ask them: How often do you have sex? How little is not enough? The answers always astound me: once a month. Once a month!
I don't understand. I mean, sure, I can see the novelty wearing off. I can see sex becoming routine, or even perfunctory. People have to work at keeping things fun and lively and exciting. That's just the reality of long term relationships. But once a month?? Hell, once a week is too infrequent for me.
As if that weren't bad enough, I am now hearing of people in long term relationships (non-marriages) who have sex infrequently. Friends who have lived with their girlfriends for less than a year are having sex twice a month. I am simply aghast.
I mean, sure, I'm the girl who has stayed in dead-end relationships just because the sex was good and plentiful. But twice a month? After having lived together for six months???
Which made me start thinking about Chris. I adore Chris, but he claims that he never had exceptional sex prior to our relationship. Whether I believe him entirely... well, I've not decided yet. But I don't want him to move in and then get to the point where sex is a chore. I don't want him putting out only once every week-and-a-half and then being resentful that I'm asking for too much. (I know he's a guy, but this has actually happened to me before.)
I just don't get it. I don't understand why people stop having sex. I don't understand how people let it get boring. And I really, really do not want to become one of them.