A guy with a shaved head and tattoos is hot.

A guy with a shaved head and tattoos and a motorcycle is hotter.

My best friend, Mike (who happens to have a shaved head and tattoos), drives a pickup truck that doesn't go over fifty-five miles per hour (sixty at best). He paid five hundred dollars for it this past winter after his Neon got totaled and Geico decided not to pay for it. To add insult to injury, he's still making payments on the no-longer-functional Neon.

Unfortunately, Mike and I have not seen enough of each other lately. But we'll be seeing each other a lot more often coming up. And why? He's getting a motorcycle and I'm gonna be his bitch. It may only be a crotch rocket, but it still rocks.

Sure, it's a foolish purchase. Sure, the money would better be spent on, you know, a car that runs. But it's not for me to tell him how to spend his money.

Speaking of foolish purchases... I gotta get me some chaps.