Plagiarism.

Christians have been plagiarizing off of Judaisim for centuries. They get all pissy about the fact that Jews killed Jesus. But really, would they have a religion if it wasn't for Jesus being killed? They should be thanking the Jews for killing Jesus. As if all this Jews-killed-Jesus stuff wasn't bad enough, they go around taking all our ideas.

Let's look at the famed song "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," for example. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Given this description, Santa Claus could be charged with stalking. And this is someone we want coming down our chimneys? A creepy fat stalker? Then Santa Claus makes his list. He checks it twice. He's gonna know whether you've been naughty or nice.

Sound familiar? Huh? Huh?

The Jewish God was making lists long before Santa Claus ever was. "On Rosh Hashanah it is written, on Yom Kippur it is sealed." See, God looks down at all of us little people, and on the Jewish new year he writes down everything in his big ole Book of Life. He checks it once. Then everyone has until Yom Kippur to atone for hir or her sins. If they do a good job, God may edit what he originally wrote. Then he checks it a second time.

His list, however, is far more thorough than Santa's. It's not just about naughty and nice. Seriously, people. I mean, we all know that Christian folk stole the entire idea, but the least they could have done was get it all a little closer. You know how thorough God really is in his list making? I'll show you just how thorough.

The Gates of Repentance High Holiday prayer book (page 108) has the answer. God makes a list containing the following: How many shall pass on, how many shall come to be; who shall live and who shall die; who shall see ripe age and who shall not; who shall perish by fire and who by water; who by sword and who by beast; who by hunger and who by thirst; who by eathquake and who by plague; who by strangling and who by stoning; who shall be secure and who shall be driven; who shall be tranquil and who shall be troubled; who shall be poor and who shall be rich; who shall be humbled and who exalted.

This is some serious stuff, folks. Far more than making silly lists about naughty and nice. But much like television "journalists" merely rewrite wire stories, here we have Christians ripping off the Jews again. And they call us cheap. Hell, at least we're original.