Trial strategy: beef jerky.

December 2004 was a horribly cold month. We received a huge amount of snow. It displeased me.

Perhaps more displeasing was the fact that two nights prior to my Criminal Procedure exam, I decided not to study. Instead, I stayed up all night (quite literally all night; I never went to sleep) playing interactive euchre games on Yahoo! This would have been fine and dandy if I'd actually studied prior to the 48 hours preceding the exam. But I hadn't. And so without sleep, I put forth a gallant effort at studying. Really, I did. But my efforts were not particularly fruitful.

Working on little sleep, my productivity was retarded. I drank too much coffee, smoked too many cigarettes, and continued to spend too much time dicking around on the Internet instead of studying. I ended up going to sleep at about 3:30 a.m., after deciding not to outline the last three weeks of the course.

I woke up at 7:30 for the 9 a.m. exam only to find close to a foot of snow on the ground. I stuffed my laptop, case book, and outline binder into my backpack, threw on my big, black coat, and ventured out. Instead of even attempting to dig my car out of the snow, I decided to walk to school. The seven-minute walk took close to twenty. The cold triggered an asthma attack. I had no inhaler. But I trekked on.

On my way, I stopped at the gas station. I need protein, I figured, or else I'll keel over in the middle of the exam. I ate two Slim Jims for breakfast. As I was nearly finished with the exam, I saw a friend of mine leave. Instead of checking over my work, I handed in my exam and raced to catch up with her, knowing she'd give me a ride home, and knowing that the exam had not gone well.

I got the highest grade in the class (based 100% on the exam).

The only explanation I had: Slim Jims. Meat in jerky form is brain food. It made me either very smart or very lucky. I didn't care which it was; either one worked for me.

I didn't think about this incident again until just this past Wednesday.

I had a jury trial that I didn't think was particularly winnable. I hadn't slept enough and didn't really expect it to go forward. In the car on my way to work, I had beef jerky for breakfast.

But the trial did go forward. I was excited, but not extremely confident in any sort of favorable disposition. My defense was based on the testimony of my client's mother and brother. In short, they were not unbiased parties. But they never had to testify. And why not? The judge granted my motion for a required finding (judgment of acquittal, as it's called in some states; the criminal version of a directed verdict).

I was flabbergasted. I was happy, don't get me wrong. But how could this have happened? I pondered this question and then it came to me.

Beef jerky.