eHarmony.

So. I was watching TV and I saw a commercial for eHarmony. "We lived five miles away and never would have found each other... It was like we had known each other all our lives, but lived on the other side of the planet." Sickeningly sweet, right?

Well. Years back (while I was still actually dating the psychologist), I created an account on eHarmony in order to get my free personality profile. Twenty-six dimensions of compatibility, they say. So they start randomly sending me matches. First one: "Who do you admire the most?" Answer: "Rush Limbaugh." Yeah, I can see this is totally my type of guy. Next one they send me: "Things I can't live with out." Answer: "My Mercedes and Christian rock." Wow. Their dimensions of compatibility really worked. I cancelled the account within two days. Suffice it to say, I didn't really think my personality profile was really accurate either.

About a month or two later I was at the mall a few towns over and I struck up a conversation with some kid sitting next to me. He was two years younger than I and going to school for his graduate degree in teaching. He also coached undergraduate baseball. So. We start dating. He loved sports. He thought that fart and scrotum jokes were the ultimate hilarity. I begin to think that maybe this really isn't going to work out. My feelings are confirmed when he one days says to me, "I have a secret. I saw your profile on eHarmony a few months back. We were matched up. I almost joined and paid just so I could write to you." It's no surprise that relationship didn't last long.

The moral of the story? I poop on eHarmony.