Pithy sayings.

Anyone who knows me knows that I cannot stand pithy sayings. This is why I would do horribly with any sort of 12-step programs. "It works if you work it" makes me want to stick ice picks into my pupils. "One day at a time" makes my stomach turn. "If you don't master your fear, your fear will master you" makes me want to invade a small town with a machine gun. And I'm a pacifist.

More importantly, though, is that most of these pithy sayings are blatantly false. Let's examine a few, shall we?

Treat others the way you would want to be treated.
I want people to be straight up and honest with me. If I ask, "Do these pants make me look fat?" and they actually do, in fact, make me look fat, I damned well wanna know about it. I want people to treat me respectfully, sure, but I don't want them to pussyfoot around like a bunch of waffling douchebags. I'd rather someone be bitchy than be superficially sweet and friendly -- at least those who are bitchy have a little edge, a little depth. If I treated people the way I want to be treated, I would have no friends. I'm more abrasive than most folks; an acquired taste. I understand that, which is why I treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way I might want to be treated if in the same situation.

If someone else jumped off a bridge, you wouldn't do the same, would you?
Hell yes I would. Jumping off a bridge is a fucking good time. A rollicking good time, even. Fun for the whole family. I mean, it would depend on the bridge, or course, and the water beneath it, the tides, how fast it was moving, and all sorts of other factors. But I certainly wouldn't foreclose the possibility of jumping off a bridge. I've seen others jump off a bridge before, and you know what I did? I did it, too. Then I swam to the shore and did it two more times. If I had the chance, I'd do it again.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Yes it does. Bacon. Bacon tastes as good as thin feels. The next person who tells me that nothing tastes as good as thin feels is getting my foot shoved up his or her ass. Seriously.