We Built This City: A Tribute!

I have been conducting vast amounts of research regarding the so-called worst song of all time, We Built This City. You'll never guess what I've found. Apparently, there are many cities who believe they were built on rock and roll.

The top contender of those cities with the belief of being built on rock and roll is none other than Colonial Williamsburg. Of course! Of course Colonial Williamsburg was built on rock and roll! They have stocks. And hand made baskets. And horse manure on the street. Clearly, horse manure equals rock and roll. Therefore, Colonial Williamsburg is far more justified in their belief of being built on rock and roll than, say, Stockholm's belief of the same. I personally don't believe that either Colonial Williamsburg or Stockholm was built on rock and roll. You know which city was really built on rock and roll? Lego City. And Hogwarts.

In conducting my research, I found another interesting phenomenon. No one can sing the song. No, really. Every group that attempts to sing this song does so about a half step flat. It's incredible. For example, here are five otherwise cute boys doing an a cappella iteration of the song.

Apparently, boys think that being cute absolves them from being unable to sing. Kinda like the Dumdums. Their playing and singing indicates that they are, indeed, dum-dums for thinking they're any good. Perhaps that's harsh. Perhaps I'm just past going ga-ga over grungy garage band types. Of course, I may be apt to like garage bands more if they didn't make my ears bleed.

Speaking of bleeding ears... Remember how your ears would bleed when some little cherub of a girl would decide to sing the song Tomorrow at a recital? Now picture a little girl doing the same, but butchering We Built This City instead. Can't picture it? Well, check out this family group singing the song. Methinks they may be from Colonial Williamsburg, proving once again that Colonial Williamsburg was clearly not built on rock and roll. (My favorite is the little girl's way-awful note the second time she sings the word "roll." I know, I know... I should be kinder to little girls.)

So what has this research proved? Maybe, just maybe, We Built This City is the worst song ever. But at least I didn't have to listen to it for twenty-four hours straight. (But if I had, my blog about it would have been way better.)