My current boyfriend is into the God thing.
He's not pushy about it, would never demand that I share is his religious or spiritual beliefs, doesn't chastise me for the way I act in this regard, or for my feelings on the matter. Once, in the beginning, he announced that I do "believe" in God, I just don't know that I do. Since that time, he hasn't said much, other than the fact that he doesn't wish to discuss God or religion or spirituality with me.
This displeases me, if for no other reason than I don't like people to unilaterally decide for me which tops are and are not off limits for discussion. Just because I am dispassionate about the matter (or even passionately against the active practice of religion (for me, not for others)) should not disallow me from speaking intellectually about something. In short, I don't like being told what to do, and declaring an issue off limits is a form of telling me what I am allowed to speak about, what is acceptable to speak about.
But wait. There's more. As much as I hate to admit it, I am a bit resentful. Not of his relationship with God. (As an aside, I cringe when writing the phrase "relationship with God." I find the concept of a personal relationship with something called God so egomaniacal. As if this Thing Called God has time to develop relationships with all of his believers.) It's not his beliefs I resent, it's merely what I perceive to be his sense of spiritual entitlement, if you will. A sense of religious superiority. As if I am somehow less compassionate, less good, less of a person because I don't subscribe to a definite belief in the Almighty. As if he (and others who are steadfast in their beliefs in God) is somehow more "right" than I, "better" in some way.
This is, of course, likely my own issue, developed by past relationships and past dealings with people more religious and God-fearing or God-loving than I. It's not that I disbelieve in God, per se. It's more that I don't care to think about it. And I am resentful of the fact that most religious folks are haughty in their beliefs and arrogant in their humility.
"Finding" God isn't going to make me better, or more capable, or happier. I depend on myself to achieve what I want in and out of life. Why isn't that enough? Why does there have to be more? Why must people insist that I cannot be a healthy and vibrant person on my own?
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3 comments:
One God makes you larger,
One God makes you small;
the God that mother gave you
doesn't do anything at all.
Just ask Jesus.
He's, like, ten feet tall.
I'm always happy to dispassionately discuss religion. Just as long as we don't end up discussing our feelings. Because that would be bad.... bad for the hive!
hello, i live in mass and i am interested in becoming a public defender. just graduated. can we talk?
sabrilopez@excite.com
thanks
I think the important thing is to be comfortable being yourself (cheesey, yes I know). Don't worry about how religious people perceive you, it's not important. You know who you are and what they think doesn't matter. And as far as your bf, if he doesn't want to talk about it, it's probably for the best that you respect that (I'm not saying that you don't, but you know what I mean). I know there are certain topics that I can't even just discuss with people because they are too close to my heart. And maybe that's the case with him. :)
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